To Kill A Mockingbird Journal #5

Journal #5
Chapters 12-15
Perspective: Jem

Ahh… Aunt Alexandra. I wonder what’s happening with her that made her want to come live with us. I know she said somethin’ ‘bout Scout needing to be more feminine but I don’t believe that. My sister is a girl and will be known as a girl if she’s getting in fights on the school yard or askin’ Santa for a pony on Christmas. People say that she needs to be more lady like but she’s fine where she is. She doesn’t care for boys or clothes; however I think she may develop a fancy for them soon. See I ran into this wall recently, and as I got back up I saw things in a whole new light. I am fairly certain that Scout will hit this wall too, and emerge a girly-girl. Now that I think about Scout more I actually think she has started to run around the wall. She is on the right path to hitting it but she hasn’t hit it yet. Don’t tell anyone but Dill and Scout slept in the same bed together last night. Aunt Alexandra and I may be wrong; she may have already developed a special liking towards boys.

I am afraid Scout doesn’t like me. I think she is personally affected when it seems like I don’t want to be with her in public. I really enjoy her company but am afraid my friends (not including Dill) will think I am weird for hanging out with my sister all the time. I just want some time to develop as a person away from her. I want her to get used to the fact that I will be away from the family sometimes and during those times I just want to enjoy that time away. I am afraid that I am sending the wrong messages. This whole situation that we are in with Aunt Alexandra, Atticus’s court case, and Dill is really not helping me. I want to be on her side but I also want to make sure everyone is happy and prevent unneeded stress.

I know Aunt Alexandra is trying to take Scout and make a project out of her but I think Scout is mistreating her. Aunt Alexandra has to be going through something big at Finch’s landing otherwise she wouldn’t just show up here wanting everything to change. She wanted to get rid of Cal and wants to change Scout as a person. Atticus has a special bond and history with Aunt Alexandra so he doesn’t have the power to say”No, you can’t stay here”. Scout and I both see Atticus as infallible but I know he won’t extract enough power to kick her out. Because Atticus will not change his ways Scout and I have to. That was my reason for taking Scout aside and telling her that she has to stop antagonizing Aunt Alexandra. Ever since I hit that wall I learned that I can no longer play the trouble maker but the trouble preventer. I have acquired this new knowledge of things and for once I feel powerful and in control.